Event names as public language
If two squads cannot say the same sentence about a tap, your App Analytics estate is already fiction. We write grammars, version them, and retire aliases in the open.
App analytics, taught as a craft
Hear the packets. Ignore the theatre.
Listenerpacketgrid is a small school for people who ship apps and then drown in charts. We train product leads, analysts, and founders to name events with care, map retention without folklore, and treat telemetry as evidence rather than décor.
2017First Oldstead table
18Programmes in the catalogue
1,206Analysts and PMs taught
4.3Mean of 89 written notes
Heard in the room
Cohorts tend to arrive fluent in tools and starved for language.
We keep a public page of longer letters on Voices. The short ones below are from people who sat Cohort Signal Lab or the Event Grammar studio.
“The taxonomy week stopped us renaming play_started every quarter. Our warehouse still has scars, but the new stream is readable.”Priya N. · product analytics, Manchester
Sasha K., a client in consumer fintech, wrote that Funnel Forensics “finally explained why our paywall step looked healthy while trial-to-paid kept thinning.” He also noted the homework load on week two was heavier than the brochure implied.
Flagship programme
Cohort Signal Lab
A six-week studio on how people remain in an app after the applause of install day has faded.
You will rebuild a retention lattice from raw events, learn when a survival curve is lying, and practise writing the one-page memo that a sceptical UK board actually reads. Pricing is listed on the programme page; nothing is billed through this site.
The course does not pretend that Mixpanel, Amplitude, or a warehouse view will save a product with a thin reason to return. We teach the reading, not the rescue.
What the grid actually drills
Four habits we refuse to outsource to a vendor demo
Silence as a metric
Missing events are not a tracking ticket. They are a claim about what the product failed to notice. Cohorts learn to interrogate gaps before they decorate charts.
Boards before dashboards
A slide with three numbers and a caveat travels further in a UK product org than a wall of unlabelled funnels. We practise that compression weekly.
Instrumentation with an ending
Every property we add must justify its keep. The atelier keeps a kill-list so taxonomies do not become museums of abandoned experiments.
Also in the catalogue
Shorter programmes, same desk
From the journal
Field notes, not recap blogs
The desk
Write before you enrol. We answer from Oldstead.
Seats are listed on the pricing page. If you are unsure which studio fits a team of three, send a note rather than guessing.